24 Square Miles Surrounded By Reality

"This Is One For the Blog"

2009-07-18T20:46:00.003-06:00

Scene 1

Location: Check-out line at TJ Maxx/Home Goods

Characters: Hungover, giddy Matt
Hungover, giddy Kelly
Snoozing Grant

Matt: "I love how these check-out lines have all of these accessories and crap that you didn't even know you needed.
Kelly: "Oooh, French Berry Sparkling Lemonade! This would be perfect with some mint and bacardi! Should we get it? We really need it, I like the bottle."
Matt: "MMMMM, totally, help lift the fog."

Scene 2

Act 1: It's 5 'o Clock Somewhere
Location: Home

Characters: Giddy Matt
Giddy Kelly
Smiley Grant

Kelly: "I'm going to wear The Nugg in the Baby Bjorn...facing outward! Look at us, hands-free baby!"
Matt: "Bluetooth baby!"
"hahahahahaha"
Grant: (dangling, smiling, charming)
Matt: "Ok, I'm going to go for a run"
Kelly: "Sure, I'm going to make myself a drink with the French Berry Sparkling Lemonade"

Act 2: French Berry Sparkling Lemonade Catastrophe
Location: Kitchen

Characters: Kelly wearing her newest accessory, Grant (facing outward in the Baby Bjron....this is new for us).

Kelly picks up the French Berry Sparkling Lemonade, pops the top open and *EXPLOSION!!!!!* FIZZZZ, SPRAAAAAAAY.

Grant: (whimper, whimper, squirm)
Kelly: "OOOOOWWWW, my EYES, the burning! Holy SHIT!"
Grant: "WHAAAAAAAAAAA"
Kelly: "MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAT, HELP, HOLY CRAP! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit."
Grant: "WHAAAAAAAA"
Matt: Runs out in a t shirt and underpants - "What happened?"
Kelly: Dripping from head to toe with damn French Berry Sparkling Lemonade "What do you mean, 'What happened?' Didn't you just hear that? The damn French Berry Sparkling Lemonade just exploded all over Grant and I. Help me get him out of this thing, my eyeeeees, burrrrrning!"

The Aftermath: Grant was fine, just a bit scared at the loud pop and me screaming in his ear for Matt. Luckily my eyes, the kitchen walls, floor and cabinets took the brunt of the spraying French Berry Sparkling Lemonade, half a bottle. Good thing I cleaned the kitchen yesterday.

Creepy

2009-06-24T21:11:00.004-06:00

I love watching The Nugg sleep. One day when he's 15 he's going to wake up one night with me standing over him and think, "Dude, my mom is so weird."

But don't we all know that already?

Father's Day Fun

2009-06-24T20:31:00.005-06:00

Ok, so this is a few days late, but dude, I have a newborn...I'm about 5 days behind on everything these days.

We spend Matt's first Father's Day at the Rockies Game with Grant and Grandma and Grandpa Schoger. About 15 minutes was spent actually watching the game, the rest of the time Matt and I holed up at the Brewery inside the stadium. Hey, it was hot and The Nugg needed to eat....and they had beer. He did great though, showed us that he is very adaptable in loud, crowded, crazy settings. We packed a bottle because I certainly wasn't going to be that woman breastfeeding at a Rockies game. He chowed down, spent some time looking around and then did what he does best, passed out on my boobs.

Chowing Down

Passed Out on my boobs

Elusive Blue Jammies

2009-06-24T19:25:00.007-06:00

Aunt Jodie made sure that Grant would be one of the best dressed babies in Boulder when he was born. One set of jammies in particular are my favorites, yet, they have seen more time in the washer than on Grant's body. You see, without fail, every SINGLE time I put these jammies on him, he manages to spit up ALL over them and therefore I must remove them, toss them in the hamper and start all over again with a new pair of jammies...because these spit ups are not the type you can simply wipe up with a baby wipe and consider clean. These are the wet, projectile type that completely drenches the jams, his face, dribbles down into his ear and soaks his hair and back of his head.

I put him in these jammies daily, they just bring out the blue in his eyes. But it's like freaking Groundhog's Day...put in his feet, button half way up, put in his arms, button all the way up and then lo and behold...spit up. Un-botton, remove arms and legs, toss in hamper, try again with another pair. Sometimes I don't even get as far as getting his arms in. He's a quick one that Grant is. However, yesterday he did manage to wear them for more than 2 hours and hence, a photo shoot entailed, it definitely needed to be documented, I don't know when this will happen again.

THE Blue Polka-Dot Jammies, more elusive than the Florida Panther

Charming the pant off his dad - right before he spit up

The Window

2009-06-20T18:04:00.008-06:00

As a new parent, you quickly learn of this "window" that you have to get your child to bed before complete and total meltdown....we missed that today. In fact, we've missed it the past few days. And I know that The Nugg can totally soothe himself and put himself to sleep (it takes about 12 minutes). But it is the hardest 12 minutes of the day, listening to him work himself up to tornado-like furry and then *silence*. It doesn't always work out as perfectly as that...as shown in the past few days but most of the time he'll chill the f out. In the meantime, Matt and I sit in the living room (or on the deck if we really don't want to hear the heart-wrenching cries) waiting for the microwave timer to go off that allows us to finally go check on him. Some may call it cruel, we call it "parenting." We've got 3 minutes and 20 seconds until then...just enough time to make myself another margarita. In the meantime, here are a few pictures of Grant during happier times.

What I wish he was doing right now

I will kick his ass if he comes home looking like this in 15 years

"MOM, what are you doing up?!?"

a.dor.a.ble!

Cheers!

Long Time No Blog

2009-06-20T17:25:00.006-06:00

Like most hobbies in my life, I apparently got tired of this "blogging" thing rather quickly as my last post was well over a year and a half ago. Well, a lot has happened in the past year and a half (new house, new hobbies, two surgeries and a SON!) and so, like most hobbies in my life, I decided to come back to this one. Not so much to document the randomness that comes out of mine and Matt's mouth's anymore, but more so to document all of the preSHUS happenings of the new little person we created...his name is Grant. Grant William Schoger to be exact and he was born on Earth Day of this year (4.22.09)
G Dubs aka Snuggs aka Nugget aka Grant The Nugg was named after some pretty cool guys in mine and Matt's family. Grant is Matt's paternal grandpa who was a hard workin farmer in Illinois and William is my step dad, the most influential man in my life growing up (until Matt showed up). I wouldn't be the stable person I am today if it wasn't for him....he's also known as Harvey and he's pretty freaking awesome, like seriously, one of the coolest guys you'll ever meet.So, I'm officially back to coming up with funny topics for blogs in my head and actually writing 9/10th of them on this thing. But hopefully I'll be able to at least post some cute pictures of our cute child (because he is totally cute, and I'm not biased at all.)

Christmas Christmas Time is Near.....

2007-12-03T18:03:00.001-07:00

So this is the first year that I have ever decorated for Christmas.....well, a tree at least. The 2 strands I taped up in my apartment back in '03 really doesn't count, and tape doesn't really do a good job of holding up Christmas lights anyway, and that Christmas sucked...But a staple gun, now that's a different story. Does everyone do this? Because they probably shouldn't. Do you know what happens when you staple a wire? I DO! All of the close calls you just made for the past 15 minutes gets to be taken down and you get to start all over again because you just shorted out HALF of the strand of lights. Half? Yes, only half....which might as well be ALL because you then have to scrap the entire strand. Who hangs half of a strand of lights anyway?

So I decorated for Christmas and decided to get a tree this year, "Our First Christmas Tree"...fake, easy to assemble, pre lit, about 5 minutes to put up. And I seemed to think that I had SOooooooo many ornaments...."Matt, i have sooo many ornaments I really think we should put up a tree this year." So many = 12. As always, MOM to the rescue! I arrived home in time to see one of my favorite people, the UPS man, dropping off not 1, but 2 packages for MOI! It is a FANTASTIC day when you receive 2 packages...from, well, whoever really, who cares, you got packages! Package 1 included ORNAMENTS! Old school, 1977 homemade ornaments...and now our tree isn't shivering b/c it's covered in mom's ornament love. :) They are RAD!

And this stocking my mom made in about, '78. (yes it's hanging from a plant holder in front of a window, we don't have a chimney, santa comes through the front window, ok?

Why the lines? Not sure, but I can't get rid of them....

Bad Idea Jeans

2007-12-02T19:54:00.000-07:00

How many people wore their "bad idea" jeans yesterday and drove up to the mountains? Apparently they stocked up on 'em on Black Friday.....GET SNOW TIRES PEOPLE!

Here's a little snippet of our ride home from Keystone yesterday:

Writer's Block or Too Much Second Hand Smoke?

2007-09-05T15:49:00.001-06:00

Why is it that when I'm walking down the Pearl Street Mall, blogging in my head of all the randomness around me (which is also known as "thinking"), I'm like Ellen Degeneres funny? Yet when I actually get around to purging them from my brain I'm about as amusing as the housing market right now? And why do I think anyone wants to hear about my random yet amusing life here in Boulder anyway?

Well
1) because I AM funny damnit

2) because I feel like I would be doing the world an injustice by not sharing the love and

3) well, 3 is also 4, 5 and 6 rolled into one.... Where else can you find a household that advertises women's plus sized clothing, Bonsai trees, and glass pipes at their yard sale ? OR See some 40 year old dude with dreddies down to his knees, get into his Lexus and roll out? OR

See a family of unicyclers heading off to work and school in the mornings? (this is not a joke) Or the Trustafarians that spark one up in front of the courthouse on the Pearl Street Mall
Like I said, it would be an injustice to this world if I didn't.....